Confessions of a PHAT Girl

I am PHAT (pretty hot and thick) because that’s what mama gave me (among other things). The irresistible African curve that makes men pause their conversations to watch me walk past them , that was not the feeling I got when I tried to squeeze in a size 10 bandage dress last Friday night. It was a nightmare nothing was firm and everything was simply falling out-of-place. slipping into the little black number in 2013 wasn’t so hard to do but on Friday I needed a corset and a slim fit just to hide those extra curves not to mention the ballooned tummy (yeah my abs in the making are now simply lines).
The disaster lead to the cancellation of the highly anticipated girls night out because it was too much work and discomfort for praise from strangers on the other hand, the superstitious African in me was convinced it was Gods ways to keep me from my past. I was so furious with myself for allowing the insane weight gain (not that’s I was ever a size 4 or 8). I had relapsed and gone back to the mindless eating habits, lost meaning for healthy living and was just tired of being tired of exercising . I needed a time out to live a little break the rules and embrace my reality. I am a PHAT GIRL and I have an elephant sized confidence to get on with life, but  that night I just dint feel sexy.

courtesy of elephant
courtesy of elephant

    Here is my problem, who defined what sexy really is? I remember playing with her long beach blond hair, adored how dresses showed the curves I dreamed of having as when I grew up and how I wanted a Ken to take me dancing. Barbie is simply perfect but some fat-phobic fool decided to use her as the reference point for what looked sexy, having women bleaching their skin just to gain acceptance. I call this “Barbies Syndrome,”, it has gone so far to the use waist trainers just so to have her waistline. Many women will not admit it but she has become the envy of many and the beauty standard for some.
Barbies Syndrome has slowly been defined what is healthy and the acceptable norm .it has justified why Some married men are straying because their wives no longer as appealing as they did, why some ladies find difficulty in securing jobs because they do not fall into the markets ideals , while the same are having a rough time at work , why they look pregnant or to accept the fact that their weight will not get them a boyfriend or married at a the ideal age(which I don’t know).
Well if you have been in any of these situations you have been a victim of Barbie syndrome and starving yourself to death, taking up quick weight loss diet or going with the new healthy living will not heal that wound. You may try to lose weight for you but between us two you know that’s far from it, you are either trying to prove the world wrong that you can transform and blossom like the ugly duckling into a swan or out of pure vanity to fit in like the rest, soon, you will get tired of proving that point. Here is a page off my life; I honestly answered one simple question “why do I need to lose weight or live a healthy lifestyle?”.

According to me, weight loss or healthy lifestyle is most emotional, mental and spiritual journey, as you are not only changing the outward appearance but the inner you will change; how you look at obstacles in life will never be the same way you did years ago. Do not go on the healthy journey to gain acceptance as there is simply no difference between you and a modern slave. You will allow the world to put you in a cage like an animal and determine your entire life, more so define what is happiness to you. I cannot give you the answer that you seek, you need to dig deeper and redefine what healthy living or weight loss means to you. Sexy did not go anywhere, sexy has always been there you just need to look in the mirror and smile.


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