Okay, its evident this procrastination thing is getting to me and affecting us. This post was intended to be up on the 11th October ,2017 but in my creative fashion I am finally getting to it. Anyway let’s get to the note for my new year.
I was embarrassed to admit, I was heavily invested in Church but it had been months since I touched my bible. It sat quietly on my study table collecting dust. I bearly looked at it, you see I was angry at God and ashamed of myself.
He told me to go on a journey of leadership development under a Church’s umbrella. When times got really tough my functioning depression hit an all time high, I developed severe anxiety and thus I sort to drop the ball till he spoke. I was sure it was him who sent me but I had never felt this lost, displaced and unwanted.
How was I ever going to confidently share Gods love, care and mercy when I felt judged, defeated and abandoned by the same God? You tell me? Was I going to call it quits on Christianity? Walk away and actually assert that God is infact dead?
We do not pray to get answer’s; we pray to find solace on stormy days ~Milton Jumba
Then it happened. One quite morning as I was drafting my resignation letter. I was leaving Church as a whole I was done with God and the so called lady of the cloth. Then He spoke ” I was there when you cried yourself to sleep. When you couldn’t sleep, when you fasted and prayed hoping I would speak. I was there when they hurt you pricked and poked at you, when you couldn’t get out of bed. I was there, but you never bothered to hear what I had to say in all that you were going through. You never sort me in your early morning or quite nights. You spent you days crying and mourning a death you had committed to yourself. Pick up my word and keep following me.
Nothing has ever broken me like those sobering words. I realised my demise was my own undoings. I sort God in fallen men, broken organisations and not His word. The word that has sustained generation after generation. So here I am, slowly dusting my Bible.There days it collects dust and others it doesn’t. This is the one thing I vow to do best in my new year.