Dusting My Bible 

Okay, its evident this procrastination thing is getting to me and affecting us. This post was intended to  be up on the 11th October ,2017 but in my creative fashion I am finally getting to it. Anyway let’s get to the note for my new year.
I was embarrassed to admit, I was heavily invested  in Church but it had been months since I touched my bible. It sat quietly on my study table collecting dust. I bearly looked at it, you see I was angry at God and ashamed of myself. 

He told me to go on a journey of leadership development under a Church’s umbrella. When times got really tough my functioning depression hit an all time high, I developed severe anxiety and thus I sort to drop the ball till he spoke. I was sure it was him who sent me but I had never felt this lost, displaced and unwanted. 

How was I ever going to confidently share Gods love, care and mercy when I felt judged, defeated and abandoned by the same God? You tell me?  Was I going to call it quits on Christianity? Walk away and actually assert that God is infact dead?

We do not pray to get answer’s; we pray to find solace on stormy days ~Milton Jumba

Then it happened. One quite morning as I was drafting my resignation letter. I was leaving Church as a whole I was done with God and the so called lady of the cloth. Then He spoke ” I was there when you cried yourself to sleep. When you couldn’t sleep, when you fasted and prayed hoping I would speak. I was there when they hurt you pricked and poked at you, when you couldn’t get out of bed. I was there, but you never bothered to hear what I had to say in all that you were going through. You never sort me in your early morning or quite nights. You spent you days crying and mourning a death you had committed to yourself. Pick up my word and keep following me.

Nothing has ever broken me like those sobering words. I realised my demise was  my own undoings. I sort God in fallen men, broken organisations and not His word. The word that has sustained generation after generation. So here I am, slowly dusting my Bible.There days it collects dust and others it doesn’t. This is the one thing I vow to do best in my new year. 


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