When God Died

I sat in the tub blankly staring at the candles I had lit near the edge of the bathtub “You need something  strong to numb the last 72hrs, ” was all my mind could  think  about.  God was dead to me and I was done with this fallacy of faith.  You see my faith in God was derived from my dog’s, their complete innocence reflected God’s  majesty and glory. 

The way I saw it, God had granted me the opportunity  to witness the beauty of birth even in the most unlikely  situations ( when my Golden retriever  Flower was impregnated  by my St Bernard. I was new to this dogmom  thing and that was what my vet called bad parenting. Even  after being adviced  to abort  a premise  I no longer believe in and the vets confidently  stating that Flower would die in labour, she was able to deliver naturally a healthy litter of 9 pups without  any assistance.)

This was not the case 48hours ago, the 2month old pups  who had had their vaccination against canine parvovirus, and a booster shot,were succumbing  to it.  At this point 4 pup’s  had died and the  2 in quarantaine were  not showing any signs  of life regardless  of the hourly injection and salon drips.  Friends, this meant I had front row seats to seeing  each and everyone of them fight to stay alive to finally  give in after 7hours showing symptoms of Parvovirus. I watched God dying. He was no longer supreme, He no longer seemed all knowing and powerful. He and I had both failed this pups, well mostly Him.  This was war, and He was losing  the battle. The King of kings and Lord of lords. 

On the final month of taking a year of to selfless serve God, this was the witnessing  of God I was doing to my dogs. Them helplessly  dying even after doing everything  right. Then it hit me, life has squeezed me and my lack of faith  in God is all that came out and a  lowly perspective  of a God who should meet me half way.  My heart was broken and I was ashamed  to even allow such thoughts  to creep into the crevices  of my heart and soul. I was a dead woman walking  in the name of Jesus. I was consumed  in the busyness of doing and not being. 

You may found yourself  In almost a similar circumstances, where your faith is in want and you can’t see God no matter how hard you squint or flex  your spiritual  antennas. All you met is life at her best, a façade where all creation is in a constant  state of deterioration and utter  demise.  What then do you do ?  Do you curse God and die ?  Do you conclude that God is indeed  dead and faith is a poor man’s lyxa.

The truth is all creation is still waiting  the second coming of the Messiah in this fallen world.  The greatest  task of humanity till then is to stay rooted regardless of everything. Rooted in the truth of God’s word and our relationship  with him.  A relationship  that ought to be independent  of circumstances and external  factors that are beyond  us. Finally staying grounded in the truth that  God loves us and desires  the best  for us even when failure, sickness and death are looming about. 

They survived the Parvovirus.
Advertisements